Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Mormon Boy

I must preface this story with the note that I enjoy the company of Mormons and they are in general the nicest, friendliest, most helpful people I have met. 

To make a long story short I re-met this guy, Matt, contra dancing one evening. He is friends with my tall friends (only one of whom is actually tall) and after the dance we hung out for a bit, Matt asked me a lot of questions, and finally it was time for me to leave. Midnight is any city is kind of scary and Matt offered to walk me to my car (what a gentleman). We got down to the car, I was about to leave and he says..."Hey so Maggie* I think you're really cool, we should hang out sometime and go horse back riding or something." Well horseback riding is awesome so I agree and give him my number. 

The next day he texts me to see what day works and we decide on Saturday. Up to this point I have assumed that it will be friends riding horses...I was wrong. The next texts that come in go as follows...

The horses are out in Apple Orchards, you can meet me there or I can pick you up. 

Sweet what's the address, I live all the way across town so I'll drive.

OH NO! It's not a big deal AT ALL for me to pick you up. NOT AT ALL!

(1 minute later)

id really like to pick you up

Shoot! this is a date. I've been hijacked into a date pretty much and I am NOT ok with that...except there will be horses and I get to ride them so I guess it'll be alright. My good friend Dan reminds me that "this guy is probably an ax murderer and planning to take you out to the woods on horse back and dispose of your body." In future I'm supposed to remember, "If it's a guy and a girl hanging out one on one it's a Date." and if a stranger asks me out on a date I'm to say"I'm sorry I have to check my calendar" and call Dan to get approval. 

So we agree on Saturday, he's to pick me up at 11:30.
11:30 comes...and goes, 12:30 comes...and goes, about 1 pm I get a call that he got lost and is almost here. Finally at 1:30 he arrives, a little frazzled having driven an hour past my house. (For the record I gave him very good directions, there's a roller skating rink near hour house and a giant sign on the main road with an enormous arrow that points almost directly to our house). But he got here and we headed down to see the horses. He did almost hit the car ahead of us as he was telling me that the only time he gets into car accidents is in Wal-mart Parking lots. 

Now I haven't grown up riding horses but I do know a little basic horse care. 
1. Always brush your horse before putting the saddle on him/her. 
2. Never tie a horse to a gate with a knot. In the event that the horse rears back it could injure itself and others. 
3. Never make any sudden movement around a horse so as not to spook it. 

Matt grew up riding horses...maybe he didn't get the best training.... He has two horses Brownie (a brown chestnut that is about 14 hands high) and Snowflake (a beautiful Dapple Gray who is close to 17 hands high). They both looked like they needed a good brushing and maybe a sugar cube or two. They were tied by the reigns to the fence. Matt grabbed Brownies saddle and tossed it over the fence then got him ready. However, when he threw Snowflake's saddle over the fence the horse reared back, broke the reins, and pulled the fence over...that's why you don't tie the reins I guess. So Matt, flustered and a little embarrassed, tried getting re-catching the horse while I worked on setting the fence back up again (He really wanted to pretend he didn't want my help, but what was I supposed to do? Stand around helpless! I AM NOT HELPLESS!) 

In the end we got on the horses and road around the roads for awhile. The entire time Matt asked me questions. "So you're getting your Associates?" "No I'm getting my Bachelors." "Oh so it's a two year Associates program." "No it's a four year Bachelors in Education program." ...and it went on and on. 

It was fun riding horses, and Matt was very nice. As far as any sort of chemistry even for just friendly conversation it was non-existent. In the end he drove me back to my house and made me wait so he could open the door for me. Than asked me for a hug, told me I was cute, and left. I walked inside. 

The whole matter passed as did the months. He texted me on Valentines day and St. Patrick's Day but other than that I didn't hear or think of him. I can't say so much on his part. 

About two weeks ago, after contra dancing, I was talking to my tall friends again. John asked me, "So Maggie, honestly how often does Matt call you. Now be honest because he tells me." 
 Sort of confused I reply, "Um...he doesn't call me, I've not spoken with him since our "date.""
John, Jason, and Katie all exchange awkward looks and John voices, "well I don't know an easy way to say this but you kind of have a stalker.... well not an actual stalker, he can't use Facebook or anything, just a mental stalker. He pretty much thinks you're the greatest thing ever." Katie added, "In a two hour car ride we counted him saying your name 45 times! "Maggie is so beautiful, she's so tall, she's amazing, she and I would be perfect together." I then reminded him, "Matt, Maggie isn't mormon..." here Jason chimed in, "and with that he turned to me to say, "oh Jason, Maggie is just amazing! You two would be so great together."Here it would be good to note that Jason is a sound Atheist. Katie and I laughed because apparently in Matt's mind if you're not Mormon it doesn't really matter, so naturally an Atheist and Christian would be perfect for one another. 

So ends the saga of the mormon boy matt.